Monday, February 11, 2013

Changes....David Bowie was onto something....Also probably on LSD. I am not. Though you might contest that after reading this post.

There once was a girl from Minneapolis....

She loved the idea of blogging....

As much as she loved the idea of canning her own vegetables....

She didn't like the idea of actually having to contribute to the effort....

So she just watched another episode of Revenge and added 406 more things to her Pinterest boards.

THE ENDish...



I've learned that I love the idea of starting fresh - of doing-over what I've previously messed up. I love New Years' Day. The First Day of School. The First Day of Summer. Firsts of all kinds. Most of my thoughts begin with "THIS time, I'll....."

I've made many resolutions in my life to make changes, to be better. Some stick - most do not. Most end up falling off the cliff the moment I eat too many Doritos, bite ONE nail, etc.

CHANGES - The Bod

Would you believe that my latest "change" began with the flu? And not just any old flu - the epic Franken-Flu that was crossing North America this past November/December. I ended up with both pneumonia and a flu virus of ridonkulous proportions. Between December 1st and January 1st, I lost nearly 25 pounds. JOY JOY JOY!!! (well, JOY, mixed with maniacal, fever-provoked thoughts of wanting to crawl out of my skin). I decided to not let this weight loss go to....well, waste; I decided to make a resolution to get to my goal weight this year. FINALLY. I will turn 36 in June and have spent the last 15 years being unhappy with my appearance. WHAT. A. WASTE. I have a husband (whom I've mentioned is referred to as "Hot Husband" by all of my girlfriends and a few guy friends, to be honest) who says I'm beautiful and perfect the way I am. I am eternally grateful for his compliments, loyalty and encouragement but I also understand that, until I'M okay with how I look, his opinion will not sink into my brain - and stick.


CHANGES - The Brain

Same goes for writing - cooking - work - play......until I feel like I've done my best at life, others' praise isn't fully appreciated or believed. In the same breath, I know I need to let-up on myself a bit and realize that not every box needs to be checked and not every goal has to be met by the due date. The fine balance of tight vs. slack is an art - one which I do not even pretend to understand.

Ramble on....

Thusly....

I intend to be more mindful with what I say I will do. I will not promise to be on here X number of times a week/month/year. I WILL promise that when I'm on here, it will be because I have something to say (probably neither pertinent nor deep) that I WANT to share. I intend to do this in life as well - I'm backing off from my professional memberships and fringe-friendships. I'm saying Yes to the things and people that matter most to me. Quality not quantity.

CHANGES - Family

I have talked a bit on here about our desire to start a family and the hurdles (the size of a friggin' mountain) we've experienced. C and I have decided to become better PEOPLE. Healthier, happier, kinder, wiser, more responsible-ier. We've decided to approach this mountain-sized hurdle with quite a lot of gusto and believe that the reason we've not been able to get pregnant is because neither of us (nor our current circumstances - money, health, timing, etc.) is aligned with this wish. We're not in the best shape, in more ways than just the physical, to bring another person into the world. We've made some very large changes in our lives in the past 1-2 years and feel we're on a fantastic path to being, well, BETTER people. Don't get me wrong, we're still idiots, but we're, uh, BETTER idiots. Uh. Moving on.

To show him some love, here is a link to C's blog (he's a great writer and talks about boy-stuff like sports and baseball). And here is a picture of him. At a (shocker) baseball game.



CHANGES - Forgiveness 

I am more forgiving to myself. I don't fret (as MUCH as I used to) about pushing back, saying no. Especially to myself. (My inner-monolgues lack Shakespearean focus but tend toward a more vaudevillian verse.....Who's on first? Oh who the hell knows....probably some asshole encouraging me to eat a pound of Doritos)

I will not continue to Pinterest-life. Unless I'm on Pinterest, which is entirely acceptable. What I mean by this is that I will not view others' lives/interests/appearances/relationships/talents/accomplishments as anything other than what they are: THEIR LIVES. I will focus on what I CAN do - not what I've NOT done (yet). I will check myself before I wreck myself. I have accomplished a great deal in my life - professionally and personally and will not feel like a jerk for being proud of that. I will also continue to be humble and not "in yo face!" with the good (or the bad) of my experiences. I will not overlook the good stuff - just because it isn't GREAT (at least by Pinterest/Hollywood/Public Standards).

CHANGES - This Blog

I've decided to write more about actual occurances in my life - not just inane, sarcastic story-telling. Don't get me wrong, I'll still bring the sarcasm and tripe to most everything I compose, but I will actually write about ... gasp ... EMOTIONS. AND THOUGHTS (and not only of the judgy-variety) (though, truly, I am a wizard at the judgy-variety).

Also, if readers find me, they find me. If I find other blogs, I find other blogs. I won't treat this place/the internet as a job - i.e. Oh SHIT! I haven't visited all the blogs on my sidebar and left comments! Now they'll never visit mine!....I'm sure you've all felt that at one time or another. No need here. None. This is supposed to be enjoyable - a laugh, a lark (whoa - I said lark) - not a contest. Some bloggers run their blogs like a business and forget to enjoy what they're doing: entertaining others, being entertained, written-word therapy, etc.

I'll still over-use parentheses, misuse semi-colons and start sentences with And. I will still say questionable things that make my mom cringe and will most-definitely use microsoft-paint to illustrate my thoughts. Badly.

Please return to this site (when the mood strikes, but only then). If I don't see you for a spell, no worries, I'll know you're just eating Doritos, while surfing Pinterest. In moderation. Oh wait - that would be moi.