I've noticed a terrible trend that is sweeping our roadways: People have no idea how to properly place a bumper-sticker! Geez. This is really important and needs to be addressed. Like a tattoo, a bumper-sticker is there FOREVER (well, not really, but when have I worried about being accurate on here?) I'm talking about the people who, very obviously, were attempting to place the bumper-sticker IN THE CENTER of their bumper. Did they knock back twenty fingers of Jack before thinking it through? This really irritates me--it takes away from the messages of:
"Democrats are sexy: No one ever said, 'there goes a hot elephant.'"
Sure enough--this assessment may be as factual as the day is long, but I CAN'T GET PASSED THE FACT THAT THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT CENTER-JUSTIFICATION!!!
Now, if you have a vehicle that has a good smattering of bumper-stickers, alignment is not really important. Let me use a metaphorical statement for emphasis:
Say I have 12 beautiful, Frosted Pink Lee Press-On nails affixed to my paws. Say one of them broke off, leaving my au naturel, bitten-to-the-quick fugly nail exposed. Oh the humanity. Anyhow. Wait...where the hell was I going with this? I got distracted with trying to find a good Lee-Press-On-Nail Commercial to link up and ended up watching an episode of Modern Family.
Um, okay--how about this: If you have a bright white piece of paper and a Lee Press-On falls (or flutters) onto the paper, it obviously looks amiss and you grow concerned. Now, picture a good smattering (love that word) of Lee Press-Ons, scattered on top of that paper. Now one press-on isn't a big deal. Just like a stain on a sweater. Wow--I'm really painting a fancy picture--80's nails and stained clothing.
Seriously? Wow--did I just have, like, an episode? A fugue? I'd better wrap this up before I completely reveal my alter-ego: Day-Pass Dolly.
So, please remember: Every time a Bumper-Sticker aligns, an angel gets a dime. Or something as equally rewarding.