Wednesday, April 25, 2012

These things are super important, you guys.

I've noticed a terrible trend that is sweeping our roadways: People have no idea how to properly place a bumper-sticker! Geez. This is really important and needs to be addressed. Like a tattoo, a bumper-sticker is there FOREVER (well, not really, but when have I worried about being accurate on here?) I'm talking about the people who, very obviously, were attempting to place the bumper-sticker IN THE CENTER of their bumper. Did they knock back twenty fingers of Jack before thinking it through? This really irritates me--it takes away from the messages of:

"Democrats are sexy: No one ever said, 'there goes a hot elephant.'"

Sure enough--this assessment may be as factual as the day is long, but I CAN'T GET PASSED THE FACT THAT THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT CENTER-JUSTIFICATION!!!

Now, if you have a vehicle that has a good smattering of bumper-stickers, alignment is not really important. Let me use a metaphorical statement for emphasis:

Say I have 12 beautiful, Frosted Pink Lee Press-On nails affixed to my paws. Say one of them broke off, leaving my au naturel, bitten-to-the-quick fugly nail exposed. Oh the humanity. Anyhow. Wait...where the hell was I going with this? I got distracted with trying to find a good Lee-Press-On-Nail Commercial to link up and ended up watching an episode of Modern Family.

Um, okay--how about this: If you have a bright white piece of paper and a Lee Press-On falls (or flutters) onto the paper, it obviously looks amiss and you grow concerned. Now, picture a good smattering (love that word) of Lee Press-Ons, scattered on top of that paper. Now one press-on isn't a big deal. Just like a stain on a sweater. Wow--I'm really painting a fancy picture--80's nails and stained clothing.

Seriously? Wow--did I just have, like, an episode? A fugue? I'd better wrap this up before I completely reveal my alter-ego: Day-Pass Dolly.

So, please remember: Every time a Bumper-Sticker aligns, an angel gets a dime. Or something as equally rewarding.


Ilina said...

I made the mistake of letting my 6 year old son put a bumper sticker on my car. He dropped it on the ground sticky side down so it is not only wonky and uncentered, it is bumpy from pebbles and dust. My apologies to all who drive behind me.

Angella said...

If I ever put a bumper sticker on a vehicle, you have free reign to shoot me.


topher (Crackin Wax/Varsity Trading Cards) said...

Well, I once said "there goes a hot elephant," but that was before I met you and elevated my standards.



Play at the Plate said...

Thanks to C...or Topher, whatever he wants to be called, you have at least one new follower. I look forward to over thinking things in a whole new way.

Play at the Plate said...

Happy Birthday!

Crackin Wax said...

Happy Birthday my amazing wife! xoxox

Crackin Wax said...


<3 the hubz