Monday, October 4, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
What the hell was I thinking last night? What kind of a hideously botched triumphant return was that?? The best ideas are born of beer. I think that's from the Bible. Or maybe it's US Weekly.
Anywho, my friends.
What's new? Has the past year and a half treated you well? Have you succumbed to the technological crack that is Netflix? (yup) Have you secretly purchased your Team Jacob t-shirt? (oh please) Have you wanted to murder that jack-ass that painted the outside of your house? (too soon..gah.)
I truly hope this post finds you well. And not 15 pounds heavier with a questionable haircut. *waves*
I've really missed writing. Being a verbal smartass just isn't as much fun. Also, there's no delete button in a conversation---and, Christ on a Cracker, wouldn't that come in fantstically handy at times?
As I'm still warming up, getting back into blogging shape, I have decided to take it easy (lazy) and begin with a list....
- Simple Math: The gag-reflex of a cat is faster than your ability to jump off the couch and catch the cuke (cat-puke) in your hands. (I didn't say this was a list of wise, helpful ideas)
- Paris Hilton is untouchable (also, probably a good rule of thumb, in general)
- The moment I polish my toes, my husband will step on one of them with one of his size 13 gunboats.
- I hate flying. Not one flight goes by where I don't think I'm going to die and I worry that my parents might discover the naughty drawer before my husband can hide it.
- I am now a vegetarian. Not because I have a high moral code....but because my intestines hate cows. And pigs. And chickens. More accurately, I am now a cheese-a-tarian. (Hence the new 15 pounds.)
- Every time a bell rings, 2 Jehovah's Witnesses in short-sleeve dress shirts and JanSport back-packs are on the front stoop while we're hiding below window level trying to finish the first season of Weeds.
- I have contacts now. I'm also really good at the under appreciated sport of "Blood-Shot-Eyed Speed Blinking."
On that note, I think I shall go outside and enjoy this beautiful fall weather.*
*Or, maybe it's time to crack open a fresh block of cheese and have a seat in the Church of Netflix. Now, I'd answer the doors for that belief-system anyday. Especially if they're bringing along The Real Housewives of New York on Blu-Ray.
Friday, October 1, 2010
And sometimes, your gay friend Ryan, belches and says, "Make me a superstar." And I say, "Okay, sounds like a fine idea."
Hello friends. I've missed you. I've missed your fantastic comments and banter to my inane, superficial thoughts. I'm ready to discharge some fantabulous gobbledeegook in hopes of your "HOLYCRAP--you're not dead!"-comments. So, then...here goes.
Ryan says, "Oh my God, their dairy flavorist, he's gay, he has a flavor story....."
Curious? Me, too. Stay tuned....
Ryan is fun.
More to come.
Happy October, Friends. Love you muchly.