Image found here.
Image found here.
My name is Over, and I'm a potty-dancer.
I swear--I'm one sneeze short of a massive accident. And when the HELL did that start? I'm 31, for the love of cheese! I've had no children, no interesting uh, events to speak of. Although, there was that one altercation with a swing-set when I was seven. And the swing-set never even called. Bastard.
But I digress...
- Working in the lab, realize I have to go.
- Nah, no time.
- Hold it.
- One or two hours later.
- Sitting at desk.
- Minding my own business.
- Stand up. Walk five paces.
- Uh. Ohhhhh.
- GUESS I FORGOT TO GO, EARLIER!!!
- Okay. Don't panic.
- Bathroom is only 1 mile down busy hallway.
- No problem.
- Step, step, step.
- Horsey gallop, horsey gallop.
- HORSEY, HORSEY, HORSEY
- Pause. Pause.
- *Whiney Noise.*
- Bend down to pretend to tie my shoe (it's a slip-on--neat).
- Resume horsey-gallop.
- Okay...the urge is gone. It's going to be oka....
- WAIT WAIT---it's BACK!!!!
- Okay. Okay. Don't think about it. Keep walking.
- No, you totally didn't just pee your pants a little. Nothing to see here, people.
- Gallop, gallop, GALLOP!!!!!!
I was going to start this next paragraph with, "Remember those really annoying commercials...." until I realized that "annoying" is sort of the soup du jour for any bladder control commercials.
Those "and I don't have to 'go' right now" commercials where the crossing guard leaves the innocent students left for dead in the middle of the crosswalk 'cause she has to GOOOO?
And catchy. Dammit.
I don't think I have a, quote-fingers, bladder control problem, quote-fingers, I think I simply wait too long to use the facilities. Oh, and I drink a lot of fluids: this has already been covered in charming Bed-Wetting I and Bed-Wetting 2: Electric Boogaloo entries. I no longer wet the bed. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I should give it another whirl in order to avoid the Horsey Dance (it's the new Macarena) at work.