Friday, January 2, 2009

Over-Resolutionizing 2009....And other Crotchety-Wisdom


I am back from the massive brain and blog fart that was December 2008 and returning just belatedly in time to make some lofty goals for 2009. Thank you all for the lovely e-mails, and your concern over my potential demise. Alas, I'm not (brain)dead. I??? Some would argue that I am one delicate sip of Pinot Noir away from brain damage. To those I say...


OT's 2009 Resolutions
  1. I will try my best not to cringe when someone hands me their phone to show some (super high-quality, I'm sure) picture and I see a nifty make-up/ear wax/skin slime smeared all over the screen. Seriously though, it takes a mere moment to wipe that crap off on your pant leg or your thumb. Go the extra mile, for the love of God.
  2. I pinky swear not to do another NaBloPoMo until at least we've settled into the new house (2016). I can just see me dropping a box of ceramic tile or a sheet of drywall on C's foot as I dash off to enter some mindless (as per usual) drivel before the clock strikes midnight. Because then NABLOPOMO may spell T-R-I-A-L-S-E-P-A-R-A-T-I-O-N.
  3. I will only worry myself into a coronary about appropriate items such as "Can I pull off a pair of Wellies?" or "Can I wear these jeans for a 4th time this week and stay under the radar?" instead of wasting time pondering the merits of drinking coffee in the morning instead of Diet Dr. Pepper in order to seem more mature.
  4. I will give up trying to understand the allure of the following: Pete Wentz, Skinny Jeans, Austin Powerisms (still!!), Fantasy Football*, The Jonas Brothers, World of Warcraft**, Liza Minelli, Diet Coke***, Thanksgiving, the way Madonna looks, and last but certainly not least, that massive asshole, Billy Something-or-other, that does those infomercial-style commercials for things like KaBLAAM! or Urine-be-gone-with-this-Rag-THINGY!!
  5. I will QUIT chasing all of the major holidays with ideals of THE PERFECT ONE. I will consider a holiday successful if I have time to clean the toilet, unwrap some cookies from the gas station and unscrew the cap from a jelly jar of moonshine BEFORE the guests arrive. A-MEN.

*Hi Jess & FriYet!
**Hi again, Jess!

P.S. If any of you care, I gave up on the whole Quit Biting Muh Damn Nails thing---here, 2008, let me show you my progress. Let me demonstrate with a gesture.

Okay, onto 2009....and 2009? Don't worry, I'm not thinking of flipping you off next year. But let today's gesture be a reminder of what you could see if you don't show your loveliness in the coming months. Think of it as The Ghost-Finger of New Year's Future.


Hillary said...

What the ... what?
I am shocked - SHOCKED - that you posted. I wasn't expecting you until mid-March at least.
I have a confession to make ... I hate Diet Coke. In fact, I have Diet anything. Artificial sweetener makes my tongue cry.
My word verification is Parti. Like, the Over-Thinker is back, let's PARTI!

Hillary said...

ooooh wait! I don't HAVE diet anything, I HATE diet anything. dammit.

The Over-Thinker said...

Hills: Are you 96% drunk right now? Because you are awesome.

i am the diva said...

good resolutions! you are wise beyond your years.

Sra said...

Number 4 made me laugh. I just want to go on the record that I would never, ever, drink Diet Coke, though. Never.

Also, your fingernails look so much healthier than my crusty snaggly little bitches that I'm thinking I should add the quit-biting-those-damn-nails thing to my resolution list. I'll consider it.

annikab said...

Dear OT I am so glad to see that you are alive and well!! I have missed you so!!!

Hillary said...

I am 96% awesome right now.

The Over-Thinker said...

Diva: Many thanks to you :)

Sra: I showed you the best of the bunch. Trust me, my others are snaggly little bitches, too. And you are awesome for calling them that.

Annika: THANK YOU--you are sweet!

Hills (again): Does that mean you're 4% drunk?

Natalie said...

i am so glad you're back! well i guess i should admit that i didn't notice so much that you were gone since my internet has sucked a duck since i've been in the states. today it was "fixed". evidently the 21 day old modem was faulty so we were given a new one. so far we have had internet for 6 straight hours. the record is 12. we'll see what happens!

AND my recipe deck for tapas came in the mail today! yea!!!! thank you thank you thank you! i can't wait to start cooking! any recommendations for a good place to start from that set?

jess said...

oh mah gawd i'm laughing. i am NOT playing fantasy football next year. it can totally suck it.

i love diet anything. i prefer to chew my calories.

and i crack diet dew for breakfast. making coffee takes effort.

witchypoo said...

mmm fuckers and milk...

Marissa said...

I love those resolutions!! I don't understand the appeal of Pete Wentz or any of those other people and things you mentioned either!!

Happy New Year!

Meg said...

I just cried for joy a little bit.
My life has meaning again!
Does this mean you didn't get the house??
I don't like pop at all, whether it's Diet or not! (Pop being what us Canadians call soda or soft drinks :P)

friyet said...

i am sooooo glad you have returned! i checked quite frequently and was starting to worry, hence the recent HNY comment. as always you made me laugh and your nail looks nice too! p.s. i will play fantasy football next year, but i will heavy on running backs and wide receivers!! i made jess look good!

Nate Ring said...

I'm going to have to agree with Hillary, diet spells SUCKS in my mind.

And its good to see your still alive and 80% not brain dead :-P

Hyphen Mama said...

Oh dammit woman... you hint TWICE at getting the house. Did you get the damned house??? Will you be dropping drywall and/or tiles on C's feet?

I think my new favorite word is TRIALSEPARATION. That has a nifty ring to it.

I have to confess that I've consumed TWO diet cokes in the past 3 weeks. I was at other people's houses and it was either that or chew on an icicle I pulled off their roof. GAG I hate that diet crap.

I see you didn't resolve to blog more than once a semester in 2009. I'm very sad.

monstergirlee said...

So did you get the house?

Happy New Year to you!

RE: #4 - I love skinny jeans, and have a problem understanding the allure of boot-cut, ugh - nightmares.
RE: #5 - I gave up this year after decorating the tree. And everything was totally and completely fine. Just so you know.

Welcome back.

Nilsa said...

You're back. Yay! We've missed you.

And #3? You are my queen! Because I'm wearing the same pants I wore yesterday (sssssh) and just finished drinking my early morning Diet Coke. Girls like us gotta stick together! ha.

Becc said...

You are a Dork! (I mean that with love)
What are Wellies?

ilinap said...

So glad you're back! So update us on your house, will ya?!

Sparkliesunshine said...

Hooray! You're back!

1. Ewwwww, how could you not cringe at that?? Disgusting!

2. I can not stand those Austin Powers movies. When will people stop with the quoting?!?

3. Diet Coke is so gross. Perhaps this is just my chunktasticness talking, but for God sakes if I am going to drink soda it is going to be the real deal. (i.e. Vanilla Coke!)

Love the resolutions!

Thomas said...

I am not gonna quit biting my nails because that is what The Man wants us to do.

Sra said...

Did you fall off the face, or what? POST!

(My Captcha = "pignesio", I swear your word verification comes up with the best words on the net)

Thatgirlblogs said...

I agree with you except for the Jonas Brothers. Love them like a loser, I do...

witchypoo said...

I miss you, but now it's fuckers and wine.

Meg said...

Seriously dude, where the hell are you???

Natalie said...

um...hello? tap, tap, tap. is this thing on?

The whole univercl is wondering where you went. word verification. Awesomeness!

healthy ashley said...

I just found your blog and love it! Please post again soon?!