Monday, July 21, 2008

And then I became Canadian....and it didn't even involve alcohol!

Come sit close, children. It's time for a fairytale...

Once upon a blog, there was a damsel in distress named Hillary. Hillary lived in a land far, far away called Canada. In this far away land, sweets grew abundantly....over hill and dale and mountain trail. Maple sugar can(ada)dy, chocolate covered pretzels, Purdy's Hedgehogs and milk chocolate maple leaves simply grew on trees. But Hillary couldn't enjoy this can(ada)dy as her wedding to Prince Shawn was approaching and the buttfaces at the labeling company wanted to charge her a king's ransom for shipping charges to Canada. How would her jam jars be labeled? Would she have to resort to masking tape and a Sharpie? NOWAYJOSE! She simply called upon her US-residing bloggity-buddy, Over-Thinker, to do some creative shippage-ing and all was right in the land!

To thank her (in a VERY unnecessarily generous way, mind you), Hillary put together a kick-ass Canada Care-Package fit for a queen! A queen that is now pre-diabetic because HELLO, you obviously HAVE TO eat ALL of the can(ada)dy at once. Hillary also included some non-can(ada)dy fare: A keychain (somehow missing its key to Canada), her bitchin' CD mix for summer, a greeting card (filled out while tipsy) and the accessory everyone will be wearing this fall:

A FELT HAT
IN
THE SHAPE
OF A
MAPLE LEAF



Project Runway, please take note.

(Notice C in the background. Moments before, he asked, "Now, I'm not going to be in this picture, am I?" Heh--my mad-accidental camera skills strike again.)



Check out this haul!


In case you can't see....Just behind the fantastic low-lighting and shadows is SUGAR!!!!! and SUGAR!!!!!! and a felt hat!!!!


Moral of the story? If Hillary asks you to do a favor, say yes because she'll spoil you silly and make you a Canadian. Because you automatically become Canadian when you put a felt maple leaf on your head.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Everytime I post, an Angel gets its wings...Poor, poor Angel. My bad.

EDITED TO ADD: For those of you who have already read this, please note that I've now learned that "...an Angel gets its' wings" is really "its wings" and garbage shoot is actually spelled "chute"....C schooled me and corrections have been made. So now I'll be smarterer about grammarticulation and spellingses.

Or maybe the angel just gets a free beer. Basically, it amounts to a lot of wingless angels sittin' around not drinking. Hmm...Angel Beer. Is that a brand? Should be.

You know what I'm a wizard at? Over-booking myself.
Example: What's that? You need WHAT accomplished in three days? You need 3 WEEKS of WORK accomplished in three days? You bet your sweet ass I'll do it.

And then I'll bitch. Because that's the magic that is me. Things will not be calming down until Sunday, but I wanted to get a quick post up here.

A Mystery for the Ages

I went to toss some garbage down the chute of our apartment building and opened up the door to the refuse room and saw this:

W.T.F.

I ran all the way back to our apartment so I could grab the camera and document this momentous occasion. This room is very small so I held the hallway door open while I flashed away. There is now a little boy in our building that probably thinks yours truly is "the crazy lady who takes pictures of stuffed bears"...


I've seen some interesting things in this garbage room---a window frame, a stroller, a bag of grass (from the LAWN, people) and a oven range hood. Nothing really compares to seeing two dirty bears snuggling with each other in the corner of a refuse room. (Is it just me, or did that last sentence sound like jive-talk for a prostitute servicing a john? Oh. Just me? Oh.) Good God, did I, a 31-year-old, just say JIVE-TALK?????????

I'm picturing the bears' owner knowing that it's "time" to "let go" of the "bear addiction" only to find themselves unable to take that final step. Alas, the bears end up nesting for the weekend in a dank, chute-room. On Monday, they were gone. Did they go to a new home? Or did some stranger enter the room, pissed off to see stuffed animals, pick them up and violently hurl them down the chute? (please note that I am not "some stranger")

I suppose we'll never know. I'll be sure to tell you all if I see a HAVE YOU SEEN MY 2 BEARS?? REWARD!!!-poster.


In closing, I'll leave you with this:

Holygoddammitsonofa!!!!!!!!!!
(notice that the font color matches my shoulder blade)

Friday, July 4, 2008

I have 100 Beautiful Blogs Standing Before Me but Only 5 of You Can Go on in the Hopes of Becoming...

the winner of an Arte Y Pico!
(Sidenote: I sort of loathe Tyra Banks but she says some of the funniest damn stuff (not intentional, I'm sure), so I tend to sample her words daily.)


Get ready for some cheese, but it's honest cheese (Doesn't that sound like some organic dairy product? "Organic Cheese...From Our Heart to Yours"). As the huge dork/prissy pants that I am, I am always so humbled when someone compliments my writing style. I get a bit overwhelmed and maybe pee my pants a little. And to get this award from a woman who has one of the best senses of written humor that I've come across makes it even more special. She is so damn funny and never EVER misses the mark in making her readers laugh until they choke. I'm totally sure this is her intention as she has a bit of a dark side :-) Any mom who can work in the phrase "tramp stamp" to her latest post is tops in my book.

For an intro, I am plagiarizing Hyphen Mama who previously plagiarized LouCeel. Plagiarizing...the gift that keeps on giving and giving.


"This award was created and to be given to bloggers who inspire others with their creativity and their talents, also for contributing to the blogging world in whatever medium. When you receive this award it is considered a 'special honor'. Once you have received this award, you are to pass it on to 5 others.

The rules for passing on this honor:

1) Pick 5 blogs that you would like to award this honor to.
2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.
3) Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.
4) Award-winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of 'Arte y Pico' blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award." (I'm working on this last one--it will be permanently displayed soon.)

Tell Me About It
This blog is written by mom of 4, Natalie. Oh, and she lives in Turkey. TURKEY! But she'll be moving back to the states in a bit. She posts nearly everyday and shares the most beautiful photos of her travels, her family, and of course, Turkey. A major reason I read the blogs that I do is because they make me happy. Natalie's blog is no different. She hops between making me laugh and choke on my 7Up to making me smile while reading her honest (just like organic cheese!) happy stories. If anyone can write a funny post about cow's stomach, she can.

Kristabella
Funny FUNNY woman. And there is bacon involved. You're sold already, aren't you? She is so loyal to her (MANY--she's a celebrity for sure) commenters and always writes them back. She swears like a sailor and is quick (QUICK!) with the sarcastic come-backs. She keeps us on our toes. And did I mention the WWBD Bacon Spinner?

Meg at Wanderings
Meg is easily one of the most honest bloggers out there. She is forthright about all of the ups and downs and writes about them in a beautiful way. Like me, she's a new blogger but writes like it's old hat. There's a quiet reserve about her writing, but then you realize that her blogspot name is DuckyPants and you realize that she's a spit-fire. Also, she provides her readers with this millennium's drug of choice, Sudoku. I hold a soft-spot for Meg as she was one of my first readers and she's stuck by me to this day. Thank you, Meg!

It's All about ME
Marissa's blog is the FIRST blog I read. I had just moved up to the cities and over lunch during my first week of work, I Googled something about the metro area (probably trying to figure out how to get home---I get lost EVERYWHERE.) and her blog came up. I clicked over and read and read and read. She's a freelance writer, originally from Minnesota and is a transplant to NYC. She's a brilliant writer with a touching style-- she could write about her favorite cereal, Cheerios, and make is sound SO good that you'll run out and buy the damn Cheerios. From writing about her relationships and daily life to sharing her life experiences with her health and the recent passing of her wonderful father, she'll hook you and you'll be a forever-fan.

Moose in the Kitchen
Talk about amazing writers. SELF-DEPRECATING, amazing writers...Self-deprecating, amazing writers that can cook and laugh and play Guitar-Hero, and describe life in San Francisco, making you want to move out there in a heartbeat. Moose has a slightly random blog (like yours truly) and writes about her life: Relationships, small apartments, skirts blowing up on the way to work, playing with pastry dough, etc. When I click over to her site and see that she's posted, I'm instantly happy.

So please give them a visit---you won't be disappointed.

In the comments, could you leave your favorite blog-of-the-moment? I always like to try new things, and blogs aren't an exception.


HAPPY BELATED Canada Day and 4th of July, everyone. I killed two birds with one stone by setting a maple leaf on fire with a sparkler. I know how to party.