Thursday, February 28, 2008

What?? You'll have to comment louder! I can't hear you!!

En Route to the Concert. I'm getting pretty good at the whole "photo in the mirror thing"; however, I am not pretty good at Windex-ing the mirrors in my car. Obviously.


Helpful Tips for Civilians Attending a "Rock Show"

A few evenings ago, my husband and I went to a Foo Fighters concert. It was awesome. My husband looks a bit like a showered-version of Dave Grohl and I find this amusing. Onto the tips...
  1. This may surprise you, man sitting in front of us, but you could have left your safety glasses at home. Yes, they make you look like a stone cold fox, but still...Also, thanks for bringing your spendy-looking binoculars. You're a package deal, aren't you? Rad.
  2. Safety-glass man's wife, whenever they start playing a song that you know/love, it isn't necessary to make jazz hands, do a shivering movement with your body and proceed to clap/snap to the wrong beat. When you do, this makes me think, "Go white girl, go white girl GO!" and then I die a little inside.
  3. One should probably bring ear plugs if one does not want to learn sign language all of a sudden. Also, one should know better being that she attended a Smashing Pumpkins concert last October and was so close to the stage, the speakers and Billy Corgan that she was nearly deaf for a week.
  4. Oh hello, drunk man to my left. I feel you tapping my shoulder to tell me "trivia" about the band and every single song they sing. Your breath stinks and you might want to rinse with Scope instead of Windsor.
  5. Aloha Bachlorette Party! How lovely to come to the concert completely trashed wearing plastic leis around your necks and see-thru wife-beaters emblazoned with "We're Here to get HER Drunk" and the classy bride-to-be be-decked out in a Hot Pink halter-number with "I'm Drunk" screened on the front and back, for good measure.
  6. Thank God you're here, 15-year-old air drummer! I haven't seen such smooth moves since Wayne and Garth hit the high hat in the Bohemian Rhapsody video. Party on, Air Drummer! Party on, Over-Thinker!

So just the usual....I came, I saw, I criticized.
:o)

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Now with more Air-Microphone

Did you know, regardless of your true, singing potential, it improves exponentially when you employ the use of an air-microphone? Also, finger-devil-horns help, too.

I have to stop biting my nails, the skin around my nails and gnawing at my knuckles. If I don't, I'm sure to lose my Lee Press-On Nails contract.

And furthermore...did you know that no matter how super-cool you think you sound, it deteriorates exponentially if someone else walks into the room? It's just science, my friends.

Not all of the songs I air-mic to are probably worthy of said air-mic. Sure, no one would fault me for whipping out a raging air-mic (holy cow that sounded pornographic--my apologies) to sing along with Robert Plant or Steven Tyler. But, did you know that air-mic is totally acceptable to use when signing along to the the soundtrack for Sister Act?* No? Oh hush, you're such a purist.

I was at the dentist yesterday. As I was waiting to be seen, I was listening to the music playing over the PA. Apparently my dental office likes to let loose on Friday afternoons. The assistant who was re-gluing my temporary crown back into my mouth (Because, hey! Did you know that you can't chew Red Vines with a temporary crown? Me neither!!) let me know that the music selection was from the "Doc's" i-pod. This caught me a bit off guard. My dentist is a quiet, be-spectacled man who is just the right amount of "up-tight" for a doctor. And in the fifteen minutes I was there--I heard the following off his i-pod: Beatles, The Go-Gos, Van Halen and Aerosmith. I can dig the Beatles, Van Halen and Aerosmith, but what's killing me is thinking about my little Dental Doctor air-mic'ing to "Vacation". Eat your heart out, Belinda Carlisle.

*I TOTALLY love the part where Sister Mary Robert sings, "He'll always be my true-ue love, from now until foreeeeeverrrrr," and at the end when she sings, "Nothing can Keep me awaaaaaayyyyyy! Away from his looooooooove!" And my heart broke just a bit when I found out that the actress, Wendy Makkena, wasn't actually singing. She was one good lip-sync-er.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I should Walk A-Way from the Technology and Go play with nature-y thingys.


I used macro. And proper lighting. I know. Just read on to the rest of the post when you've picked yourself up off of the floor.


Just a mini trilogy of stupidity....all involving technology/industry/embarrassing behaviour (See Canadian readers? Another "U"!! I'm getting better!)


If I'm driving for a time...which I consider a car trip of 2+ hours, (and I live in a large Metro area, so this could be a quick trip to the mall), after I exit the car, I still feel the need to signal. Literally and seriously. I'll be walking down an aisle at Macy's and I'll have to stop myself from raising up my hand and flipping an imaginary turn signal when I veer left around a rack of clothes. I am such a creature of habit. I can remember doing this since I was 15. So, I guess I've been doing this for what? Like 5 years? Wow I'm really young! Wow I'm really delusional!

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I love our DVR (TiVO to you name-branders)--I'm constantly rewinding live TV. It's so awesome. I'm getting goose-bumps just typing about it. One night, when I was parked in front of the TV, my husband walked into our living room and said something I didn't quite hear. I actually pointed the remote at him and hit "rewind". "Honest to Blog"--thank you, Juno.

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I love my husband for many reasons. One of them is that he's not the typical male and he seems to like talking to me on the phone. Unfortunately, we don't see each other too much during the week and communicate a lot using the technology at our fingertips; more often than not, this is leaving voice-mails on each other's cell phones. I've been known to leave a long message or two. Some may call this long-winded; I call it thorough. But...my husband is the champ, the gold-medal winner of leaving long messages. He leaves me the "War and Peace" of Voice Mails. He is so detailed and so enthusiastically descriptive with his voice-mails that I never, ever tire of listening to them--he really is that engaging. Case in point: One time he talked for so long--we're talking like 3 minutes--giving me a re-cap of his afternoon that I started answering him. Seriously. I actually said into the phone while listening to the message: "Wait--you said what?" Meanwhile, he's still talking because it's NOT A LIVE CONVERSATION, and I go, "Did you hear me?" I pull the phone away from my ear and look at the screen it says Voice Mail Message and the Running Time underneath it. Heh heh...I felt so cool right there.


What about you, readers? Any moronic things you've done that you'd like to share? I promise I won't tell. Just put it in the comments--you can be certain that only 2 people (*waves at my Canadian blog-friends!!) in the world will see it.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Hallway Hello and Other Ways to look like an Ass and Happy Valentine's Day!

I work in a building with MANY long hallways. The problem with a long hallway? Seeing someone you know about fifty feet down said hallway and them seeing you and realizing that you can't say hello for another fifty feet unless you want to scream it out loud.

Option One: The "Jaunty Wave"
This is accomplished by raising a hand and twitching your wrist slightly to let them know you're aware of their presence. (Albeit, fifty feet away from you.) Some males prefer to do a fake salute. This is stupid but acceptable.

Option Two: Mouthing Hello in an Exaggerated Fashion
This is also the ugliest option but I seem to employ it frequently. Make sure to open your mouth reaaaaally wide and kind of do a nodding thing with your head in slow-motion. It's effective but also a bit confusing. If the person your "hello-ing to" doesn't have great eyesight and has forgotten their glasses at their desk, you may have to repeat the "hello-ing" action multiple times. This typically leads to frustration and the abject shouting of, "I'll tell you later!!" Totally defeats the purpose; alas, it's still an option, just use it sparingly.

Option Three: Staring Down at Your Feet Until You "Spidey-Sense" Someone Approaching and Raise Your Head Just in Time to Say "Hello!" Like a "Normal" Person
This is my favorite option, but it does take some practice to get the timing down pat. For example, you don't want to accidentally raise your head too quickly and find that they're still about 15 yards away from you. This could lead to choosing Option 1 or 2 on the fly. Not recommended.

Know what else is fun? When you're in speed-conversation mode (this is the opposite of caring what is on the other end of, "How are you?")....

Today I was walking down a (short) hallway and was about to pass a co-worker. Here is our "walking-past conversation":

HER: Hi, Over-Thinker!
ME: Hey there, How are you?
HER: I'm doing well.
ME: Good to hear. I'm fine.

No, you didn't mis-read, I actually told her I was fine and she didn't ask for this information. It's like some pre-programmed response but I malfunctioned. Sort of like when a server says, "Have a great night, drive safe!" and you say, "You, too!" Tool. Box.

I hope everyone has a great Valentine's Day!
See, I told you in the Title that I'd say it :-)

Sunday, February 10, 2008

If Boomshine were crack, I'd be hooked on crack.

It's your lucky day. I'm about to put an addiction right in your little lap. It's called Boomshine and oh for the love of sweet merciful crap (Thanks, Meg--Told you I'd use it!) once you start, you can't stop. I'm pretty sure it was designed as "Best played when High" but it still works for me. Sober is as sober does and I'm out of wine.

The piano accompaniment gives new meaning to the word m-e-l-l-o-w in that it gets all "John Tesh-like" (according to my husband) when it goes into a minor key. Still it is mesmerizing and it goes with the whole pop-as-many-bubbles-as-you-can thingy.

Ready to play? I thought so. Click on pass me the crack when ready.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

I don't get it. I sort of want to get it. But I don't get it.

I am often 'out-of-the-box' in relation to a lot of popular opinion or at least the popular opinions of those around me in my life. Let me just say that I'm okay with this and don't think it's something I need to "fix", rather it's something I just think about.

This post going to seem like it's one big assumption and as I'm already very good at making an ass out of myself, I'm hoping I don't get the whole, "When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me" stuff. Actually, I like how Samuel L. Jackson's character put it in The Long Kiss Goodnight: "When you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you, and umption." Exactly.

I digress. What I mean is I don't think that EVERYONE likes these things, just a that majority of those around me do like them. A lot. (Note: My husband dislikes most of the things on my No Likey list and this is why I keep him. Also, he is hot.)

********DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!! DANGER!! NO MAKE-UP AHEAD!!********

In no particular order, in general, I do not "get" these things:

Interesting how my eyebrows disappear when I no likey something.

No Likey:

  • Cheap Boring Beer
  • Country music
  • Wedge shoes
  • Metallic purses
  • Karaoke
  • The Ya-Ya Sisterhood & The Red Hat Society
  • Spray-on tans
  • Texting really fast with your thumbs
  • Rollerblading
  • Hot Coffee (most of the time, but sometimes it suits me well)
  • Slices of tomatoes on sandwiches
  • Dane Cook
  • Tennis
  • Will Ferrell
  • Cameron Diaz
  • Rachel Ray
I started writing my reasons for why I don't really like these things, but even in doing that, it read like I was trying to talk myself into liking them! Know that I have tried all of these things at least twice (with the exception of Dane Cook because although he is quite nice to look at, I found him too unfunny to try a second time).

And the eyebrows re-appear!! MAGIC! But now one eye is crossed! Not so magical!

Likey
  • Sweet martinis, scotch-neat, wine, Corona, Guinness
  • Patty Griffin, Ani Difranco, Smashing Pumpkins
  • Flip flops and kitten heels
  • Small, leather clutch
  • Singing harmony with my husband in the car
  • Paying membership with NPR and Barnes and Noble (nerd)
  • Skin that doesn't look nuclear
  • I don't have a replacement for thumb-texting. Come to think of it, maybe it's not that I don't like lightning-speed-thumb-texting, maybe I'm just annoyed that 5th graders can text faster than me.
  • Any activity that doesn't cause my life to flash before my eyes. I'll stick to walking and the occasional skipping.
  • Iced coffee, or if it HAS to be hot, an espresso (hold the X, heh heh....I'm so funny.)
  • Tomatoes in sauces, ketchup and sometimes in salads
  • Eddie Izzard (if you've never heard/seen his stand-up, rent "Dressed To Kill" a.s.a.p.) and Mike Birbiglia
  • Baseball and Soccer
  • I don't have a substitute for Will Ferrell, I just don't find him that funny. Well, maybe the first 20 times he played the same character.
  • Julianne Moore
  • Nigella Lawson, Jamie Oliver, Julia Childs, Thierry Blouet, Ina Garten, Sanjeev Kapoor

FYI, many of my friends really like things off of the No Likey list--I would never think less of them for it; hell, differing opinions make the world go 'round. Except for Dane Cook. If you like him, I'll have to re-evaluate our friendship. Just kidding*

*Actually, not kidding.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Footwear Fridays IIII (I never claimed to be good at Roman Numerals)

So I didn't go into work today. I still feel ill. Usually when I'm ill, I'm neither original nor funny...lucky you.

I feel the need to cheer myself up. And what better way to cheer myself up than to don a pair of completely weather-inappropriate shoes while walking around our apartment in a 10-year-old green, flannel Victoria's Secret bathrobe that should totally stay a secret. Oh, what the hell...

Balls, that's one fugly robe. My husband is a lucky guy.




Here are the shoes:



Though the photo doesn't show it (because I'm not a member of the Church of Proper Lighting), they are a mauve-y pink. I tried to get a photo of them on my feet, but today, in all my sick-glory, my skin is also mauve-y pink and they didn't look too pretty.

I purchased them about 3 years ago from Daytons-Marshall Fields-Macy's (or whatever its' current incarnation is called...) The brand is Nine West and I believe I paid about $14.00 for them on clearance.

They're also a shoe that looks good when carried. Do you know what I mean? Like if you're walking outside and happen upon a sandy beach and your husband demands that you take his hand as you meander along the shoreline, your head on his shoulder, the waves slapping against your bare feet, seagulls flying above you and children in the distance flying a bright red kite? ...No? Well, me neither, but they do look pretty "cool when carried":


See what I mean?
(And holy cow, that table looks like it has severe water-damage. It actually doesn't. Man, my mad camera skillzzzz strike again.)

Edited to Add: I just realized I had the "color swap" setting on for every photo. No wonder my legs looked mauve. Does Fisher Price make a digital camera?

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Exetera and Expresso...Seriously, shut up.

Just a quick post as I'm very busy not posting....don't want to ruin a streak.

PEOPLE....please, you're going to give me a coronary:

It's pronounced Et Cetera...........not Ex Etera. Even the abbreviation helps you out! Etc. Etc.!!! Why must you torment me? Work e-mails that include the following insight: "We'll address the new guidelines, budget protocol, ect. ect., at the next meeting" make me want to scream, puke, groan, etc. etc. See what I did there? I'm always trying to be helpful. Help through Sarcasm. That's what I should have titled my blog.

Oh, and Miss Barista? No thanks---although I'd like my coffee made quickly as I'm in a bit of a hurry, I do not want an EXpresso---I'll just take an eSpresso. No, I don't want a splash of cream and you can also hold the "X".

That is all.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Footwear Fridays III

Hello Interneters who read The Over-Thinker's Footwear Fridays! (Hi Hillary and maybe one other!)

Behold...cheap shoe:



(As always, I'm sorry about the lighting. I'm taking a class so hopefully they'll get better. At least my focus has improved. Now it's just fuzzy and no longer blurry.)

Sha-ZAM----$19.00 at Target!

This is my first "ballet-style shoe". Apparently I'm a bit slow to hop on a trend. Being on what I call the shorter side of tall, I typically wear some sort of heel at all times. Because of my height (and the fact that I refuse to buy "Short"-length pants because they make me look like a tubby 1st grader*) my "Regular" pants are always a bit too long if I'm not in heeled shoes; Ergo, ballet flats are not conducive to most of my current wardrobe. I do, however, have a pair of perfectly perfectomudo perfectionful black pants (I just added all of those words to the "Word-Dictionary" because for some stupid reason they "weren't found" and NO I don't want to replace them with "Percussion"..?) that aren't too long and they look great with them. I think they'll look really cute in the summer with a skirt, too. Or, I could wear them with some "Short"-length pants and go under-cover at a daycare...

*Seriously, I can barely pull off capris---on me, they end up looking like ca-pants.