Monday, November 17, 2008

Sometimes...All I need is the air that I breath and to driii-ink.

Oh Friday, where for art thou, Friday??
Pedal to the metal, Friday, get a move on.
Hurr-izzah Up-izzah!!!

I know it's cliche as balls to say that Monday sucks.
But today, it sure as hell did. Balls were totally sucked.

It's Monday! Alarm clock, don't worry about actually going off! Grreat!
It's Monday! Why not buy a new radiator for the truck! Neat!
It's Monday! Kitten, please be diagnosed with a lifelong issue! Terrific!
It's Monday! Goodbye savings account! See you next yeeeeear! Wheee!

Suck it, life. Suck. It.

On that fantastic note, let's talk about Band.
(pun not intended, but awesome)

Image found here.

I've talked about stylistically riding the short-bus in my adolescent years and my foray into Band Camp was absolutely no exception. Although I wasn't in the band's Color-Guard, I was still waving a flag. One that said, "Aren't sweatpants awesome and also, I'm a loser!" Yes, that IS a lot of words for a flag, but somehow, I managed to fit all of them on.

Along with many other young females, I decided that I wanted to play the flute. In middle school I played like 18th chair flute. For those of you that don't follow musical rankings, 18th chair is not necessarily something you'd want to shoot for. Unless, of course, you were shooting for sucking. You know that saying "Shoot for the Moon. If you miss, you'll land among the stars."? Not so much. More like Shoot for the mouth piece, even if you miss, your spit will end up on your band director's music stand.

At the end of middle school, I decided that I needed to move on from the flute. (Actually, I'm pretty sure my flute was ready to move on from me.) How does one decide what instrument they want to play? Why, look at the other instrument sections and see which ones had the cutest boys. Alto Sax it is! Plus, the fingerings were similar to the flute, so I wouldn't be too behind. But really, when you're sitting near 18th chair, it has to get better, right? And it did! I made it to 5th chair! (Out of 5, but who's counting. Quit counting, Mom. I AM practicing!!)

Freshman year. This brings me to band camp. Really,
I must paint you a picture of the hotness that was 9th-grade me:

Padded Bra with Butterflies....CHECK!
Frosted lipstick....CHECK!
Purple Shorts made out of Cut-Off Sweatpants....CHECK!
Residual sweatpant-cuttings MADE INTO WRISTBANDS....OH MAH GOD!

All of this
Band Membership
Me thinking: Sweet fancy Moses, how the hell did I make it out of freshman year without a Colossal Wedgie and Homeschooling? I mean, man---wow. I should have stayed home. Maybe my mom just couldn't stand another day looking at my mad-fashion sense. Or maybe she was jealous of my snazzy wristband a la sweatpants' cuff. Screw Culinary, I should have majored in Fashion Merchandising..or at least minored in Knitwear Manipulation.

I haven't even told the tale of my Marching Band headpiece! Purple, fuzzy cowboy hat, anyone?
That is SO going to be an entire post...I shall title it:

Going through Puberty in Purple Marching Band-wear. Oh, and also getting my period on a band trip.
On a bus.


jess said...

omh roflmfao.

dude. i was in the band. i played the clarinet. i had those effing dorky ass late 80s glasses. i even remember the brand name of the frames: marchon! i quit band after 9th grade b/c it was just so gd geeky.

you know what i wore in the 8th grade? bike shorts. with hot pink stripes on the side. and my legs were so skinny, the shorts weren't even tight at all.

Sra said...

I played alto too. I can't say I regretted doing it, cause it was fun, but I think clarinet would have been a better fit because I still think the clarinet sounds rad in pop and rock music. And I love dixieland jazz too.

So, uh, I also got my period on our band trip. Over night. While sharing a motel bed with a fellow band member. Bloody sheets. Oh my god. How the hell did I get out of that one? I don't know, it was very traumatic. But I think I got away with it. Sneaky.

Angella said...

I wasn't in band. But I WAS in choir. And I cannot sing.

It was awesome.

Ginger said...

I was totally a band geek. I played flute in middle school (I still have memories of the director throwing his music stand at the trumpet player behind me in 8th grade), and did colorguard grade through my senior year in college. And I taught guard for another 2 years after that.

To be honest, I loved it. But to be fair, I never had to wear a purple fuzzy cowboy hat. Just lots of lycra.

Hillary said...

I played clarinet (hey Jess, holla!) The only song I learned to play was Tequila. It's like 3 notes.

My word verification is aftabita. Sounds so dirty :)

Natalie said...

i did not participate in band. ever. i did take piano lessons for 8 years and cannot play a thing today. what a waste!

i can sympathize/empathize with the lycra wearer though. i was on drill team, and we were the lycra masters!

Ree said...

Oh mah holy hell. Sorry about the Monday bullsh*t.

I can't believe you didn't make scrunchies out of the left-over sweatpants cuttings...

Oh wait, that was me.

Bridge said...

Not only was I in the band... but I was in the Band Council as well. I have pictures somewhere. It was so geeky! I also played the Alto Sax. Funny thing is when I tried out for Symphonic Band they actually had me play the Alto Clarinet. I even had a solo for state. I was such a geek!

witchypoo said...

No. It isn't fair that you didn' post an actual picture.

annikab said...

I was in band also. I started out with 3rd chair clarinet. Not bad for never practicing. Then I moved to the Contra Bass Clarinet I was then 1st chair but also the only one. Seriously, that thing weighed a million pounds. Yeah try packing that case around with you in heels.
We can all be dorks together.

Memarie Lane said...

ah, but did you sing "99 bottles of beer on the wall" on the way to band camp? cuz i did. i was first chair clarinet though. :P

friyet said...

OMG! you did play the flute [i only made that band camp/flute reference because i just watched american pie a couple of weeks ago] and then to find out you were a [purple] band nerd too! well, actually, sounds like everyone here was a band nerd of some sort! i however can not play any musical instrument known to man, but i could twirl a baton and jump and throw it between my legs and catch it all while marching down the street and trying not to step in horse shit... so there! [p.s. if i tried that now someone would have to call the paramedics!]

Hyphen Mama said...

I always felt like a dork because I was never in the band like the COOL kids. And see, now I know I missed out on wearing sweat pant wristbands! I was SUCH a dork.

I hope kitty is okay.

ilinap said...

I was a band geek too. I played the trombone in marching band and wore a satiny yellow and green uniform with a green plum coming out of a hat that was always too big for me. Good times. In hindsight I think my parents viewed it as good birth control and didn't try to make me cool.