Sunday, November 2, 2008

Quote-Fingers McGee and other People I don't wish to become--oh God, I'm Quote Fingers McGee!!!! Nooooo!

Other pair of quote-fingers doing double-duty of taking the picture.
But, I was still thinking the total gesture in my head, so it totally counts.


Using Quote-Fingers is ADDICTIVE! I tend to use them when it's so painfully obvious in the intonation of my voice (quote-intonation-fingers, if you will) that my quote-fingers are dreadfully redundant. I seem to use Quote-Fingers A LOT these days--they're becoming a crutch. I'm becoming THAT person. I need to wear more pants with pockets so I can put YE WEAPONS OF TRUTH AWAY!!!

I also use a lot of quote-fingers in my writing. I eschew the italics--they're just too grown-up for me. I like the more, in-your-face, ho-ho-ho! of the written quotes. I know it's usually unnecessary. But really, for the most part, so are a majority of my thoughts.

Quote-fingers are just one step away from another overused hand-gesture. No, I'm not speaking of the good ol' finger, but moreover, the finger-gun, used by car-salesmen and smarmy people the world over. It's never effective. Except for the photo below, I've never honestly used that gesture...in fact, I think it's the law that you have to say, "You've got it, Babe," and to also make a tongue clicking noise whilst "firing" your finger-gun. This gesture works best when wearing a bolo tie.


Okay, so I need to quit it with the whole quote-fingers thing and the finger-gun is NOT an option. Unfortunately, my assholeness has not been limited to the errant gesture--Lately, I've been really close to setting off the puke-green alert (similar to the Amber Alert, but mainly for moronic tendencies) with using the following phrase:

"I know, right?"
AFTER WAY TOO MANY THINGS!!!! It always makes me sound WAY more enthusiastic about whatever topic is being discussed. For instance:
Co-Worker: I am so tired.
Me: I know, right???

It's like it's the new "Me, too!"----gag. I make myself gag. Not "gag," but GAG.


I'm pretty sure it would be a catchphrase that DJ Tanner, a la Full House, circa 1980-whatever would use in the midst of a pow wow with Kimmy Gibbler. But for some damn reason, I feel I MUST work this into my lingo of 2008. It comes off as Valley-Girl meets oh, I don't know---ME. Not pretty. Must quit that crap, too.

What about you? What phrase or gesture do you employ that makes you want to give yourself a wedgie?? This can be our little self-help comment-circle. If you see a phrase or gesture listed in the comments, consider yourself warned--you're probably pissing-off/annoying the hell out of at least 5 people per day. Ya know, just FYI, LOVE YOU!

15 comments:

Sra said...

I say "like" and "you know" way too much. Especially the latter.

In writing and speech I am also guilty of using vagaries like "things" too much instead of trying to find more specific words.

I also tend to laugh nervously when I'm talking with someone I don't know very well.

Meg said...

Words: Like, shut up, fuck, fucking, fuckin, fucker, fucktard, fecker, feck, duuuuuude, seriously, obviously, oh riiiiight, I'm sorry please repeat that....

HOLY SHIT! my word verification is PANDA, I shit you not!

witchypoo said...

We can go to church, and I will prove that I'm arseholier than thou.

Memarie Lane said...

finger quotes are no biggie. it's the jazz hands you gotta watch out for.

Mike Valentino said...

My goal is to finger-gun shoot five people today.

Ree said...

"exactly"

I say it way, way too much.

Nilsa said...

I think your punishment should be to hang out with my aunt, the queen of quote-fingers for a bit. She'll make you so nauseous you'll put yours away for life.

Hillary said...

Ha ha, I use "I know, right?" ALL THE TIME. Except that I'm not as classy as you - mine is actually, I know, right? Fuuuuck."

I love the word smarmy.

lifeintheleftlane said...

I definitely use "I know, right." waaay too much! And seriously (with lots of ?!?!? after it). Then of course "like," and the more I think about not using it, the more it comes out. Awful!

The Over-Thinker said...

Sra: "you know" is a big one for me, too...and I canNOT picture you being nervous.

Meg: So, I'm guessing you have Tourettes? :) j/k...

Witchy: But, if you enter a church, won't it start on fire? :)

Memarie: Oh Gawd---the jazz hands. Haven't done those....yet.

Mike: You'll have to let me know how that goes. Make sure you make the clicking noise with your tongue, too!

Ree: Oh yeah, I do "exactly" and a lot of "gotcha"'s...

Nilsa: Are you sure I'm not your aunt?

Hills: I got the "I know, right?" from YOU!!!!! SWEAR!

LeftLane: The "?!?!?!" combo rocks! Super effective!

friyet said...

i say "cool" too much [note quotes used here], and i type "like" a lot, but don't say it... but one thing i never say is "awesome" [before, after and inbetween everything]... means nothing and makes me want to puke!

The Over-Thinker said...

FriYet: I'm thinking I need to swap-out my "awesomes" with "rads."

jess said...

do you make a gun with your fingers and point it at people? cuz that would be ten shades of awesomeness.

i'm just sayin...

Hyphen Mama said...

I cup my fingers around my mouth and nose (why the nose????)as a megaphone to make my point come out EVEN LOUDER THAN NORMAL. I did it 5 times at my MIL's house one night... then wondered WTF? As if I'm not loud enough? I'm trying very hard to put my "mega phone" away.

matches said...

crotch-check, spin and tippie-toes. that's my bad habit. when i pay for something and get change back or when a good song ends and sometimes when i figure out a really hard math problem. that's when i do it. Grab crotch, spin, tippie-toes. I call it my 'Mikeey Jack Attack' and it OWNS.