Sunday, November 9, 2008

I'm hoping my next toothbrush will come with an emery board or maybe a can of peas. Because really, that would be helpful.


I purchased this toothbrush because of the colors:
Orange, Pink & Purple.


Totally necessary morning colors. Also because the other toothbrushes were like blue, blue and blue OR red, white and blue. I could only use a red, white & blue toothbrush if I also had a flag towel. I couldn't do that. I wouldn't want visitors to take one look at our bathroom and think for even a moment that I might wear flag-clothing. (A cardinal sin to me.) Flag-clothing and overalls. And button fly pants...cripes, this is for another post. I DIGRESS.....

I'm a tongue-brusher. I have always been a tongue-brusher. I don't feel like I've had a successful brushing experience until the bristles have touch my uvula and I've gagged at least twice. Don't get me wrong--I'm not a bulimic (one look at my thighs would tell you that).

So, imagine my surprise when, at home, reading the toothbrush packaging, I noticed that the back of the toothbrush had a BONIFIED "Tongue & Cheek Cleaner." What the hell, Colgate? Is this really necessary? I mean, aren't the BRISTLES used for cleaning/BRUSHING just fine? They are what I've been using for years. Done brushing the teeth? Rinse off the toothbrush and head back in to brush the tongue and cheeks. Not once have I thought, "Hmm...I would really like to brush my tongue and cheeks but I don't know what to use. Should I use my loofah? Maybe my pumice stone? Nah..I'll just skip it. Wish my toothBRUSH had something I could use..."

It's like a product that has used up all of it's "New!" "Now with!" and "Better than Ever!" ideas...A toothbrush is a toothbrush, Colgate. I'm okay with that. Some gadgets are what they are. You don't need to sell me on the obvious or add something that's redundant and stupid...i.e. A toilet plunger--with wow!!--another toilet plunger on the other side of the stick! FINALLY. I can stop using my hands to plunge the toilet when I get sick of using Plunger A! Whee!!!

15 comments:

witchypoo said...

You're a fascinating woman.

Sra said...

I guess it's better than buying a separate tongue scraper, at least this is already attached to your dental hygiene apparatus.

I have never even thought to brush my cheeks. That's just weird.

Ree said...

I TOLD you. Gagging here. Just the thought of a hearty tongue brushing...and...VOMIT. Back of my mouth.

Excuse me. While I go brush my teeth and my tongue.

Oh Hell. It's a damn vicious cycle.

Hillary said...

I hate those tongue cleaners. They're so ineffective. It's like brushing your tongue with a piece of smooth plastic. I need the power of the bristles to get MY tongue clean. Wait. That came out wrong.

Meg said...

I don't think I brush my cheeks. Roof of mouth and tongue, yes. Cheeks, no.
Also, I don't rinse the toothbrush before doing them.

jess said...

i can't imagine NOT using the bristles to brush my tongue. do you like this thing?

and i'm with your other readers...who brushes their cheeks? weird!

The Over-Thinker said...

Witchy: Oh, you have no idea. Wait until I do a post about q-tips. I'm really neat.

Sra: Yeah, that's true--it's like a swiss-army toothbrush.

Ree: I apologize from the gag-inducing read :-) "Vicious cycle"--LOL.

Hills: That came out wrong...but oh so right...harharhar

Meg: Give the cheeks a try--it's quite interesting.

Jessaroo: I used it once. And it didn't really do anything better than the actual bristles. And yes, I know I'm weird for brushing my cheeks. I s'pose at least I don't brush UNDER my tongue...but that gives me an idea.

Mike Valentino said...

Michelangelo used the Bible for his subject matter. You have used a toothbrush. Wonderfully done.

Marissa said...

Seriously - who brushes their cheeks? That is just so odd! But I do brush my tongue - love the way the bristles make it feel so clean! :)

TMC said...

I picked you for an I ♥ Your Blog award. : )

http://returntorural.blogspot.com/2008/11/blog-post.html

Hyphen Mama said...

Cheek brushing? I've never HEARD of such a thing. And believe you me... I've heard of a lot of things! =) I now realize what it is that's been holding me back all these years... I HAVE NOT BEEN BRUSHING MY CHEEKS. Dear lord... what else? Am I supposed to be cleansing my belly button daily? Oh wait... I actually DO that.

p.s. that tongue scraper thingy is just disgusting, because you actually have to see the sludge that's been scraped off your tongue.

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Ilina said...

By "cheek" you do mean the ones inside your mouth, right? Otherwise what would be pretty damn gross.

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Hertha Gearin said...

Brushing the tongue is one thing that most of us do. Sometimes, it is a bit uncomfortable, especially when you hit the back of the throat and you feel like vomiting. But since the teeth are like a floor rag that absorbs bacteria, it should be cleaned every time, too.