Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Blog Secret is Here...I'm telling someone else's secret! OOOoooo....

The post below the dashed-line is not my own--
I'm hosting the telling of this secret for a fellow blogger.


Here is how BlogSecret works...


From SoMi's Blog:
BlogSecret, the blogging exercise where one of your secrets is posted anonymously on someone else's blog. Today, I host someone else's secret. What you will read below does not come from me, but it is someone else's truth. Someone else's life. Treat it with care. And, be sure to share your thoughts in the comment section as the author knows where their secret is posted.

I've submitted a post, too---where is it posted? I'll never tell.
Definitely check out the other 79 BlogSecret posts
--they will fascinate the hell out of you. And maybe (but not likely) you'll be able to figure out which one is mine!

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Without further delay....
may I present,

A Fellow Blogger's Secret



My Secret: If I got pregnant, I would have an abortion


If you would have asked me a year ago what my reaction would be to getting pregnant, I would have been elated.

I’d just had a miscarriage and was constantly hearing about friends’ and family members’ newly added bundles of joy. I was hateful and angry on my best days, depressed and suicidal on my worst.

I dealt with four months of infertility treatments before I threw in the towel. Four months is nothing compared to the years some women deal with, but I didn’t want infertility to map my life. I wanted total control.

I threw myself into activity after activity, desperate to fill up the gaping whole pregnancy and infertility had left behind.

Success started to gnaw away at notions of self-doubt I had about myself. I started to become an expert source on topics I’d only read about 18 months before. I began creating and consulting and crying tears of joy.

I had finally arrived at the peaceful place you only read about in self-help books.

During a recent get-together with my husband and his friends, someone asked me if I’d thought about having kids.

I mentioned my miscarriage and how I’d tried for four months but decided it wasn’t meant to be. This mother of two little ones insisted that I would change my mind and that I would probably be pregnant again within a year.

I thought about that. I didn’t tell her at the time and I’ve never come right out and said this to anyone until now: If I got pregnant now, I’d have an abortion.

My life is perfect just the way it is right now. I travel without guilt and have career plans that I refuse to let a baby get in the way of. A baby would derail my plans. My baby would be resented for all I had to give up.

15 comments:

Kate said...

There are seasons in our lives that lead us to different places. You're in a much different place than you were before. And you just may get to another place years down the road. You never know...

BS said...

Yup. My mom just said to me this weekend that the only reason to ever have a baby is when you're willing to give everything else up to have one. Obviously, you're not (and I'm not either).

Sra said...

That is a very interesting turnabout of feelings on the matter. I'd have an abortion if I got pregnant now too. My life has a plan right now that a baby would totally throw off. And plus, I'm not really planning on having children, especially not in the next decade.

I hate when people say, "Oh, you'll change your mind ;) !" That is so condescending and insulting. Maybe you will change you mind, but it's not like every woman decides she wants to be a mother. Plenty are happy not having kids.

Mandy said...

I completely agree with sra.

Daily Panic said...

i know a guy who is 40 this year, married and knew a long time ago that having kids meant- your life becomes THAT CHILD. He travels a lot and he too likes the freedom of not having to involve a completely dependent person in his life. His wife is independent and they both have feedom to go at a moment's notice or stay out as late as they want; they get to be irresponsible adults (within reason) without guilt.

adriana said...

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

friyet said...

you are the most important person in your own life ~ things change, feelings change, decisions change. you may change your mind sometime in the future, you may not. it is ok, and it is called choice.

TC said...

Wow.

I can't imagine doing that switch from one spectrum to the other. It's best to know your own mind though.

Princess Pointful said...

Self-awareness like you have is a very valuable thing!

Meg said...

I have been looking into being sterilized, and I absolutely HATE it when people tell me I'm too young, or that I'll change my mind.
How could anyone know me better than I know me?

Belle Ecrivaine said...

I think I would make the same decision as you, but it's not something most people think about, so it's not something I openly share with people, but I do ask myself that question often. I guess it all depends on the situation, though.

jess said...

it takes guts to be honest. even if you have to do it anonymously.

idk if the author of this post needs a hug, but if she does, if she ever needed a friend, i'd be there for her.

Hyphen Mama said...

Good for you! You don't NEED to tell anybody that's how you feel. Nobody needs to know--what business is it of theirs? I, personally, NEVER want to be pregnant again... and therefor had a tubal ligation. I laugh when people tease that I could "accidentally get pregnant". Yes, if I do, I'm going after that dr who performed my tubal and he can pay for that kids' college!!

Endless Randomness said...

To each their own.. if you are happy with your current state, no one has the right to ask you to change your mind! Unsolicited advice is so annoying!!

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