Sunday, September 14, 2008

Wii are in Hell. Out of Shape, Hell.

I twittered about this, but I don't think I've ever blogged about it.....

I WON A Wii At WORK!!!

Yes, I am thrilled about that.

But, I think I pulled my groin Wii-Bowling and C strained his shoulder Wii-Baseball-ing. Wii are morons. Wii are out-of-shape, 31-year-olds.

Gone are the days of inner-thumb blisters from Atari joy-sticks and palm burns from rotating the hell outta Nintendo mini joy-sticks for Mario Party. No, now we've escalated out of the realm of hand-injury to actual, bodily harm. YAY! Yet, I keep coming back for more. Did you know that it's entirely possible to actually slap one of your boobs into the other boob (thus creating one hell of a clapping noise) if you Wii-Bowl without a bra? Yeah, beware of that. They don't put THAT on the box. Sadists.

C is entirely superior to me in all things video-game. I didn't grow up with them. I think my parent's had the first edition of Pong, but that's where it ended. I don't think they believed in them. No, they believed in making me build my own Barbie Dream House (i.e. Tower o' Coffins). They were more into the whole "learning is fun!" bunch of insanity. I was a bit of a huge nerd (remember the rock polisher??) and really enjoyed "eductional games"--I pretty much gave myself wedgies, I really was that nerdy. I liked getting school supplies as presents and was always excited to get books for gifts.

But, apparently, deep down I really wanted to play video games. I can clearly remember one Christmas, opening up a package that looked suspiciously like a Nintendo Game console (p.s. why do people pronounce this as council??). I remember letting out a, "No way!! REALLY??" and then slowly coming to the realization that it wasn't a Nintendo, but rather, a typewriter---the coup de gras of school supplies. There would be no Mario in my future...just a bunch of asterisks, "ding" noises, and bunched ribbons. Really, a game in itself.

So, I think I've fully embraced my geek-dom. I will never be "good" at video games. I'll always be the one with the shortest turn. The one who's turn is always followed by well-wishes of, "Hey, that wasn't too bad. Better than last time!" Now, I can just suck and experience a new level of physical pain. Whoopee!


Hillary said...

I didn't have video games when I was a kid either. I am at such a disadvantage when I play against normal people.

The Over-Thinker said...

Hills: Yet another thing we can talk about at group therapy.

Angella said...

The boob slapping visual is killing me.

Sra said...

Titties! I love the Wii! I can recommend downloading the updated Dr. Mario (the best game ever!) and buying the new Mario Kart. Downloading the old Mario Kart 64 is also advised, since they play different enough and have different tracks and things.

See, I was an NES console owner (and in my part of the country, we call it "con-soul", not council -- what kind of freaks are you people anyway?), and we had a genesis too, so the appeal to me of the Wii is the ability to download all these classic games. It's great!

You just have to find the games that speak to you, and you will find your inner gamer.

jess said...

lol @ boob slapping. it's no-bra sunday every sunday at my house!!

i thought u were MUCH younger than me. turns out you ain't!! ha!

I am a Tornado ~ proven fact! said...

I too SUCK at video games, but at least with a Wii, I can get mild amusement from it.

Love the booby slapping ... know that all too well, but never quite put it to words as eloquently as you do!

witchypoo said...

Mah boobies slap the floor when I walk. Does that count?

ilinap said...

OK, now I totally want your job. I LOVE Wii and totally covet it. I'm desperate for one. I really want to try Wii Fit too. Are you listening out there PR/buzz/blog review people? I grew up with Miss Pac Man and Galaga. I totally sucked at both. I am convinced that the Wii will wake up the inner video game champ who slumbers inside me, waiting for the real deal.

Oh, and I experienced the boob slapping while golfing once. One boob slipped out of its cup on my back swing off the tee. No golf etiquette guidelines for that one.

Memarie Lane said...

That's how I felt when I discovered MMORPG's. "Hot damn, I really am a nerd..."

Thomas said...

The Over-Thinker, if you had given me the Wii as a present when I asked for it, you never would have injured yourself.

Serves you right.

Shelly said...

HAHAHA! That is awesome that you won a Wii. And I don't think the Wii jokes will ever get old, will they? Great stuff.

Ali said...

won a wii at work.
i've never won anything at work. totally unfair.

just saying.

Hyphen Mama said...

Oh yeah... we were poor, so all we had was the GENERIC version of Pong. It might have been Wong. Or something. And we played it on our black and white tv. When I was 20 I bought my VERY OWN Game Boy. I still have that sonofabitch, because it was MINE DAMMIT. I'm a killer Tetris player.

BTW, the boob slap? HILARIOUS. Or is that HILL-ARIOUS?

Marissa said...

HA HA! I love the whole book slapping line. Classic!

I can't believe you won a Wii! I want one so badly!!!!!

The Over-Thinker said...

Angella: I aim to please!

Sra: "You just have to find the games that speak to you, and you will find your inner gamer." I proclaim you the online Obi Wan.

Jess: Booblessness, not just Monday-Saturday, anymore!

Tornado: I totally feel the same way about the Wii--at least there's some amusement :) The boob-slapping is just a perk (no pun intended).

Witchy: Absolutely.

Ilinap: Your golfing story kicks my Wii story's ass.

Memarie: This is what I don't like about self-discovery. You always discover the crap!

Thomas: Good point.

Shelly: They better not get old! I'd run out of material!

Ali: But you have fantastic hair so it's a trade-off!

Hyphen: Keep that handy in your purse and your kidlets will LOVE YOU. Also, Hill-arious is correct!

Marissa: It's a story I think I'll tell my grandchildren!