Saturday, June 28, 2008

One Wedding, 12 Phallic Straws and a Previously Buried Fear of Heights later...

Oh it's good to be back! Did ya miss me? Ooodles you say? Well definitely right back atcha :)

Our holiday was wonderful. C and I logged about a gajillion ass-numbing hours over hill and dale and mountain trail. And sweet SWEET fancy moses, turns out that I have a massive fear of heights. This is news to me, and although he didn't show it, I'm sure a bit annoying to C. I wasn't aware of this fear until I was manning the wheel on our first foray over a mountain range. After seeing the following signs:
  • 15 mph turn ahead paired with the illustration of a hair pin
  • truck runaway road ahead
  • and the slightly paraphrased "Better brake your sweet ass off so you don't fly off the friggin' cliff"
...the fear set in. And by set in, I mean, my hands and feet started to copiously sweat, my eyelids vibrated and I gripped the wheel so tight I'm pretty certain I encouraged the onset of arthritis. And you know what's equally super fantastic? When I passed by a guard-rail that had been completely bent off (OFF!) the side of the road to reveal the sheerest drop-off this little nervous shit had ever seen!!!!!!! I got SO freaked out by the idea that someone had plummeted to their death (b/c there's NO WAY that one could survive that drop-off unless their name rhymes with Indiana Jones) that I nearly lost my cookies.

ANYwho.....C was a patient, patient man and let me "keep trying" to drive through the mountain-ful parks. And FYI? I can now drive down a steep incline without hyperventilating. Dear God, Please do not hold BlogHer '09 at the Empire State Building or I might have to go off you for a bit. Amen.

On Friday, we finally arrived in Teton Village, WY. I went to meet up with Nicole's family and her soon-to-be-in laws at the Mangy Moose pub where we had a lovely dinner accessorized by strong drinks sipped through penis straws.

Nic's sisters and mom arranged for a striking gentleman to accompany us throughout the night's festivities. Let me introduce you to Pedro.

Pedro was enjoyed by many and was blown up by most. He became a bit limp and needed to be, shall we say, inflated frequently. Many volunteered their air.

The next afternoon, we got all fancied up and made our way out to the wedding location.

Me and C doing an impromptu Footwear Saturday Photo.

The weather was perfect and the scenery was unreal. The ceremony was short and sweet and went off without a hitch. Well, except for the part at the end where I realized I had forgotten to suck in my stomach for the ceremony and might have looked a bit 5 months pregnant (the night before, I should have stopped after 3 margaritas). I apparently forgot the formula:

5 or more cocktails + a clingy empire waist dress = wear Spanx you moron.

We took a bunch of photos after the ceremony--here is just one of many of the happy couple, Nicole and Todd. Can you believe the back-drop??

And one of C and I against the Grand Tetons.

After the ceremony we drove to a wonderful restaurant and had a fabulous dinner on a huge screen porch. It was beautiful. And did I mention the AMAZING desserts? Displayed here by the lovely Lissa? Doesn't she just look so blown away by the prettiness of them? Or maybe she's thinking Good GOD, does OT have to take photos of EVERYTHING?? (Yes, Lissa. Yes I do. You were so lucky to be sitting next to me. Totally.)

Obviously, the main reason for our 1/2-cross-country jaunt was Todd and Nic's wedding in Teton Village, but we also managed to fit in a visit to Yellowstone, Big Horn, Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse, Custer State Park and Wind Cave, Devil's Tower, Wall Drug, The Corn Palace and the Badlands. Did I mention that we visited those places within the span of 3 days? That's right. We're completely insane. I am still experiencing a raging case of car butt (where my cheeks spontaneously become numb).

Here are a few photos of our travels.

The Corn Palace. Quite possibly the dullest place in the world. But now I can say I've been there. We opted out of taking the tour and went the self-guided route. Walking through the "palace" we could still hear the musings of the 9th-grade tour guide (who TOTALLY looked like the banjo-kid from Deliverance *shivers*) proclaiming the greatness of corn. Glad we dodged that bullet.

Wall Drug. I've always seen those bumper stickers that ask "Where is Wall Drug?"...well hot damn if we didn't find it WHERE THE MAP TOLD US IT WOULD BE----in WALL DRUG, SD. Their schtick is that they give away free ice water. Nothing deserves a macro-stylized shot like free ice water.

Devil's Tower. Now this was pretty cool. Of course, the whole hike, I couldn't stop humming the notes from Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Because I'm totally original. Heh.

Mount Rushmore. Pretty cool to see. It wasn't as big as I thought it would be but it was still quite amazing considering how it was made. Doesn't my back look amazed?

Crazy Horse. I teased C that the reason he lined this shot up the way he did was to capture the woman in the hat. He denies it, but I think I saw them exchange phone numbers. I can't really explain the vastness of the Crazy Horse Project, so I shall direct you here. Please note that the statue the blue-hat woman is standing in front of is just a model of what will eventually be carved into the mountainside.

Wind Cave. We took the 1 1/2 hour guided tour/hike 450 feet below ground. Pretty incredible. Definitely not for claustrophobics.

Old Faithful at Yellowstone. This was so cool. So cool, in fact, that I could tolerate Captain Redundantly-Obvious sitting behind us. The literature clearly states that Old Faithful erupts once an hour at a declared time, give or take ten minutes. Imagine my happiness when Captain R-O decided to say, "Any second now. She's gonna blow. Any second. Oh here she comes! Hmm...okay, any second now." EVERY MINUTE. And then when it finally did "go" he was all disappointed, said something like, "The other one was taller. Come on kids." Well, I thought it was cool.

Yellowstone. SO BEAUTIFUL. I still can't believe how huge it is. And the views! (Yes, even I was able to enjoy Yellowstone even with a raging case of Vertigo.) We had no idea how much of the park was effected by the fire, but there were more trees down than standing. It was pretty surreal.

The Badlands. The last stop on our trip. Absolutely breathtaking.

Last Photo of Me on the Trip. Obviously suffering the side-effects of car butt and consuming my weight in Swedish Fish and Jones Soda.

It's good to be home.


Shamelessly Sassy said...

the only thing I love more than a phallic straw is a scary looking blow up doll! :)

Mocha said...

I thought the Corn Palace was awesome when I was a kid. A recent trip as an adult proved my stupid kid self all kinds of wrong.

Lovely straws.

Bridge said...

You did that all in 3 days? OMG. I go to Yellowstone every few years and I spend an entire day driving through it.

Looks like you had some fun though!

Bridge said...

And btw... I got my package. I took pictures so I can blog about it...

I loved it btw!

Ilina said...

We had a blow up doll like that we used to take to Jimmy Buffett concerts. We dressed him up in a grass skirt and lei. By the end of the festivities he had bratwurst stuck in his various openings. Classy. Real classy.

Having lived in the midwest for 10 years, I always heard about the Corn Palace and Wall Drug. Thanks for letting me know it's not worth the trek. We could use free ice water here (shipped in because we're in a drought).

I missed you! Glad yo're back. Are you going to BlogHer in san Fran?

Memarie Lane said...

Wow, Mt. Rushmore is tiny! They always make it look huge in the movies. Looks like it would fit in my back yard.

In your defense the pattern on that dress would make Kate Moss look pregnant.

Hillary said...

I'm fairly certain that I would love the Corn Palace.
Your pictures are awesome - now I really want to go see the Badlands. So, uh, where are the Badlands?

Glad you're back!

Meg said...

I freaking love corn. I had corn 4 out of the last 6 days...
Or as my dad likes to call it, tracers.
Also, I can cross one eye too!

Hyphen Mama said...

My head is spinning...that's a lot of ground to cover in 3 days! Great pics.
Note to self: go ahead and mark Corn Palace and Wall Drug off the 100 Must See Places Before I Die.

Please tell me you kept your phallic straw... to use for EVERY SINGLE BEVERAGE you'll consume for the next year.

The Over-Thinker said...

Sassy: You should've seen Pedro with a strategically placed straw.

Mocha: Isn't it weird how the kid-mind remembers things differently? C. thought the same thing about the Corn Palace.

Bridge: I know--I still can't believe how much we fit into the trip. Glad you got the book--can't wait to read what you write about :)

Ilina: A bratwurst??? LMAO. I WISH I were going to BlogHer this year--are you??

Memarie: Thank you for saying that :)

Hills: I can actually say with 150% for-sureness that you would HATE the Corn Palace. Unless prior to taking the tour you had about 3 martinis. And the Badlands are in South Dakota.

Meg: I love tracers, too :) heheheh

Hyphen Mama: Yes, go ahead and cross them off or just say that I "experienced" them for you. And hells yes, I kept the straw!

Donna said...

I have a dreadful fear of heights, only discovered as we were walking across a rickety, wooden train bridge that was 300ft at the highest point.
Yeah, freaky!

Looks like you had fun.

Nicole said...

OT did an awesome job as the officiant! She DID NOT look pregnant in the pictures. She looked quite lovely...

My new mother-in-law now has a phallic straw tucked inside her checkbook care of my new sisters-in-law. This would normally be funny, but becomes incredibly funny because she is a very religious lady.

BTW- if C sees some of those pictures of Pedro and the OT, it could mean trouble. All I'm saying is that she had him in some very compromising positions...

OT- thought of you yesterday when Todd made me go on "Blast Off" at the amusement park yesterday. The premise of the ride is that you're strapped in and suddenly "blast off", then free fall, then bounce up and down for a while until the ride comes to a stop. Can I tell you I was friggin' terrified. After we got off, the lady who sat next to me said she never saw someone so terrified in her whole life.

Natalie said...

um...penis straws? i had no idea they even made such things! seriously. i think i am scarred for life.

glad you are back! you looked great and the background wasn't so bad either!

Angella said...

I wrote a loverly comment that Blogger ate. Trust me. It was awesome.

I rambled on about your great trip, and how I would do it, except for that my three kids might kill me. It was funny. I promise.

Happy you are back, though. Welcome home!

mdwest said...

Your trip looks like it was a blast...I have been to all of those places and now I'm wishing I could go yet again. Especially the Corn Palace because corn + palace = what's not to love, right?
I'm glad you are back safe and sound and hopefully without too many Swedish fish glued to your teeth!

The Over-Thinker said...

Donna: Wooden Train Bridge. Scariest kind of bridge. I'll pass, thanks :)

Nic: Thanks heaps! I think the whole day was wonderful. Did someone really get pictures of me and Pedro??? I went on a ride similar to Blast-Off and seriously nearly passed out in anticipation of said Blast. Nearly peed-puked-off.

Natalie: Thanks for the nice words :) and would you like me to mail some penis straws to Turkey? Shock the hell outta the natives I'm sure.

Angella: Dang ol' Blogger. Yeah, kids don't mix well with an extensive road trip that isn't going in the direction of a toy store.

Mdwest: HA! I TOTALLY had Swedish Fish stuck all over my teeth in one of my photos. I promptly deleted that sucker.

Ali said...

i need one of those phallic straws. seriously. :)

The Over-Thinker said...

Ali: Just your luck, one of the kids would get a hold of it and bring it to school for show and tell. And then you'd be THAT mom :)

Hyphen Mama said...

and p.s. dontcha just hate it when you work so hard to see something and you finally see it and it's SMALLER THAN YOU'D ANTICIPATED? Uber sucky. I may or may not mean Old Faithful and Mt Rushmore.

The Over-Thinker said...


friyet said...

ummmm, swedish fish.... that scary road wouldn't happen to be in colorado would it? i was having a flashback as i was reading! sounds/looks like a wonderful trip.

The Over-Thinker said...

FriYet: Nope, it was in Wyoming. I haven't yet been to Colorado--I'm pretty sure their roads would out-scary the WY roads.

Hyphen Mama said...

psssssst... I have blog bling for you. Cause you are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny.

Shelly said...

Omigod, we did that same trip on vacation last summer! (Minus the corn palace and wedding, of course!) Awesome photos.