Nicole's wedding is but a few weeks away---and I need to do the following:
- Lose 10 pounds and tighten up my Oprah-Arms. The results will be two-fold: Firstly, I won't look like a heifer in my dress and secondly, during the ceremony as I'm calling to the heavens to exorcise the demons (like any good Internet Reverend would) and bless the marriage, waving my arms in dire enthusiasm, I won't create a gust of wind, causing those in attendance, to blow down the mountainside. (Nervous yet, Nicole??) hee hee...
Just seeing that look on her face pisses me off. "Don't we love this ladies?" Pffft.- Get all of my R&D work tightened up so I can leave work for a week and not (NOT) take my laptop along on the road trip. Or, if I do, it will only be to play BOOMSHINE (a.k.a. Mainlining Crack through a screen)
- Get the old Lesbian Rubbermaid serviced before we take off on our 10,000 mile road-trip out yonder...erm, West. It's totally going to be like playing a rousing game of Oregon Trail! Just without the goats and the dying and the green letters on the black screen! Whee! Hmm..maybe we should bring a goat. That would take care of their wedding gift...
- I need to quit wasting time taking dippy photos of my mirrored reflection that look like a Joni Mitchell or Byrds-esque album cover (according to my husband). To everything Turn, Turn, Turn... OFF THE CAMERA, TURN ON THE LIGHTS and shave your legs.
- I will Make Lists! Whee! My 2nd favorite thing ever! Of what to pack in the suitcases, the car, the cooler, in my purses (b/c duh, one must take 3 purses when traveling "out yonder thar," right?)
So CHECK BACK DAILY! Or, go 'head and subscribe to my feed (allll the way at the bottom of the page) Want to stream-line your blog addiction? It's easy-peasy, chicken-squeasy as Sra says. Go read her post on Information Overload. She's a fabulous writer so check out her other posts, too. I learns them things from 'er. :) (P.S. She LOVES bad grammar so make sure to spell every other word incorrectly and say "them are" every so often.)
Before you leave, I need some suggestions or helpful tips from you all (being from Minnesota, can I get away with saying "Y'all"? Because I think I'd like to do that.). It's been FOREVER since I've gone on a road trip--and I've never gone on one that's this great of a distance. ANY helpful tips you can give me would be lovely. Actually, any "For the love of God DON'T do this"-tips would be wonderful, too.
Posts
11 Charitable Assessment(s):
Every day! This is awesome, because your wit?
Brings me glee.
Have fun on the road trip! I'd go on one, but I would probably end up killing my kids, and that would not be good.
:)
Thanks for the free advertising, that's awfully kind of you... but I think it's been mitigated by the fact that you advised people to mis-grammar in front of me... how cruel ;)
But anyway, I did a road trip from Salt Lake all the way to Boston, then down to NYC, and D.C. and finally back to Salt Lake, and I can advise a few things:
(1) We had a policy of always gassing up at half tank, because we didn't want to be caught in the middle of nowhere when we were about to run out of gas. It worked well, and by then you want to stretch your legs and have a pee anyway.
(2) Make sure to bring healthy snacks like apples and cheese and granola bars, along with naughty snacks like chocolate, but mostly the healthy ones.
(3) Bring more books than you think you will be able to read while you aren't the one driving. I brought three books just for variety's sake, but managed to read all of them completely by the end of the trip.
(4) If you bring a treasured velour blanket with you, please, for the love of god, do not leave it behind in a Chicago motel room, because you will not be able to replace it. They don't make velour blankets in America anymore :(
(5) If you are driving an old car, do get it checked by a mechanic before going. Otherwise you might be stuck in a mechanic's shop for 7 hours in a strange city because they are trying to figure out why your car sputters and stalls after the engine is sufficiently hot (turns out it was the fuel pump, $650).
(6) Enjoy it. Road trips are stressful, but also very rewarding, and you will always remember the good and bad fondly.
Let's see if Blogger still hates commenters.
Ask Bossy what to bring on a road trip.
Candy, music, your own roll of TP in case you have to pull over to pee somewhere without a toilet, car charger for cell phones, books, a map, a pillow or three, sun screen, and your camera!
Can I just say I hate you a little bit?
Like I needed another time-waster. I blog. I read blogs. I'm a news junkie. I so did not need you to introduce me to a game like Boomshine.
I'm on level 11 already, and I show no signs of stopping.
Thanks a lot. So much for getting home before 10pm.
Angella: You are so sweet--I'm glad that I can't add to your gleefulness.
Sra: You're more than welcome. Good luck with all thems new visitors (2) :) Thank you for the recommendations. #1 is a good idea--didn't really think about that. And I'm sorry to hear about your blanket---truly stinks. I left the best pillow in the whole wide world at a Hotel. Still brings a tear to my eye.
Witchypoo: I didn't know Blogger was having issues. Actually, that's probably a given, right?
Meg: Good call on the TP.
Last Name: Oh I know!! Time just slips away on that Bloxorz site. It's an addiction, I tell ya.
Awesome! I am so excited that you're going to post every day! Best thing I've heard all day (though this is my first day back at work so pretty much everything I've heard all day has been shite like "do this! now!" instead of "another cocktail, senorita?") grrrrr
road trip advice:
bring a pillowcase for when you accidentally stay at a dodgy hotel
good tunes = mandatory
that's all I've got - my brain is fried
we are currently on a road trip to the black sea. it is so nice to get out of the concrete jungles that are big city turkey. the blue sky, green growth, and water...sigh. i needed this!
my road trip advice usually consists of bring your own toilet paper and have some small change with you. the bathrooms on the out of the way roads are generally a squatty potty that you have to pay to use, and they NEVER have toilet paper. now sure how useful that advice is for you though...
Hills: Welcome back! And I didn't even think of the pillow case. Good call.
Natalie: I'm appreciating the re-occurring them of BYOTP. I shall definitely take this under advisement. And a Road Trip to the Black Sea? How exotic!!
No- I'm not nervous yet, but thanks for asking ; ).
I don't think you have anything remotely close to Oprah arms, but if you're feeling self-conscious, I can always have you wear some vestments. Didn't you once tell me how much you like the pope's hat? Hmmm...
There's a diner in Cody, WY that makes some mighty fine pancakes. I agree with others that recommended filling up with gas at a half tank- there are parts of WY and SD where you won't see a single person (or tree, for that matter) for a hundred miles.
I should make you a care package like you made for me when I drove out here by myself. In fact- I should send you my David Sedaris box set to borrow. Definitely makes the drive go faster.
The last road trip B-rad and i went on (last weekend - 7 hr drive) we brought along my laptop for the express purpose of watching porn on the highway. However, i had to turn it off, cuz i had visions of B-rad watching the movie more than the road and us ending in a burning pile of car rubble and fake boobs.
i suggest the "Top Five" game, a la "High Fidelity". It's fun. B-rad and i have been playing it together for almost 5 years and i'm still finding out stuff about him.
Post a Comment