Tuesday, April 1, 2008

The Ghosts of April Fools Past

I made it through the day and I didn't get fooled once! But I did fall down in the hallway. So maybe I was April-Fooled by Janitor-With-Penchant-For-Over-Waxing.

In my past, I've been known to be both the Fool and the Foolee. Being the Fool has its advantages. And by advantages, I mean payback potential.

As a youngster, I worked as a checker in a small grocery store. MANY April Fools' jokes were played at that joint. I've decided to share with you some fond memories of April Fooling Around at the Neighborhood Grocery.

Shake Your Love
A new guy had the unfortunate luck of having his 1st day fall on April Fools. Being the kind-hearted person that I am, I told the new bagger that he had to go to the condiment aisle and shake up the Italian Salad Dressings 4 times an hour so the particulates wouldn't settle. He did it. For his entire shift. He caught on the next day when the manager asked what he was doing...(I might have got in a bit of trouble for that...)

It's kind of fun doing these stupid titles.

At the same grocery store, on a different April 1st, I told a semi-new kid that, at the end of his closing shift, he had to unscrew the fluorescent bulbs above the apples in the produce section because the light would dull their red skin. This joke backfired on me because HE ACTUALLY DID IT. I wasn't there to see it, but on the second bulb he tried to unscrew, he turned it in the wrong direction and glass shattered all over the apples. We had to throw all of them away. He was a good sport (and totally not a snitch)--we agreed to tell the managers that the bulb had burst on its own, and being the responsible employees that we were, we made the decision to throw all of the apples away.
and just so you don't think I wasn't at the receiving end...

(Nicole, I can't believe I'm doing this.)

So. This didn't happen on April Fools, but it may as well have:

Knock on Wood
I am gullible. Very. Gullible. Let me just put that out there.

I was at a friend's house, hanging out with a group of guys and girls that I'd known since I was about 5 years old. We were watching the Winter Olympics. The Figure Skating Competition had just started and Michelle Kwan was performing. I said something to the effect of "Wow--she is SO good." The following exchange happened between me and my friends (jerks)

Pete: Yeah, she's really great--especially when you take her leg into account.
Me: Why?
Pete: Well, it's made of wood.
Me: Are you serious?
Pete and Jerks: Duh! Didn't you know that? That's one of the reasons she's so famous.
Me: Wow! You totally can't tell!
Jerk Factory: It's really life-like, isn't it?

Of course, it didn't end there.

....About 3 days later....

New Friend of Ours, Not Privy to Previous Conversation: Michelle Kwan totally deserved the Gold.
Me: I know! Especially with that wooden leg!
Non-Jerk: What?
Me: Well, she has a wooden leg--but it's a special one because she can still skate.
Non-Jerk: Who told you that?
(I turn around to see the Jerks are DYING of laughter.)

I STILL blush thinking about that. Later, at college, I told a friend about this. For graduation, he gave me a mannequin leg with a spangled garter. The leg was signed:

"Thanks for all of the support--I can use it. What with this wooden leg and all. Much Love, Michelle Kwan"

I hope you all had a relatively uneventful April Fools...and in summation:




Hillary said...

too funny
the italian salad dressing? LOVE IT!

Old Knudsen said...

I am gullible. Very. Gullible, well you are American.

I leave messages and send out letters to all my ex's telling them to get tested for the clap, its a lot of work but worth the laugh.

No wait that wasn't a joke, ah well still funny.

The Over-Thinker said...

Hillary: I can tell you it was the most clever prank I've ever pulled. Huh..I s'pose that's not saying too much.

Old Knudsen: It's a good thing you don't live in America because the postal rate is going up really soon--that would totally put a crimp in your clap-mailer fun.

Hyphen Mama said...

LMAO at the 'unscrewing the bulbs' one! You are a clever one!

jess said...

omg...wooden leg!!

i'd write something witty here, but i'm too busy snorking with laughter.

The Over-Thinker said...

Hyphen Mama: haha--Mmmm appleglass...

Jess: IT COULD HAPPEN!!! Oh hush..

Meg said...

Wow, I have NOT ever played such a good prank on anyone...

The Over-Thinker said...

Meg: I've decided that I was funniest about 10 years ago (when I played those pranks)---I've yet to think up anything more clever than sticking my foot out and tripping someone as they walk past my desk. And even with that, my timing is so terrible, they say, "Nice Try, OT."