Bed-Wetting II....Electric Boogaloo (No Joke)

You know? I think I pretty much covered it all with that title. I don't think I need to post.

So, take care; thanks for stopping by!

If it weren't for my ability to NOT be long-winded, I would've stopped writing. Alas...no.



Since I covered the problem in my last post, I'm here today to share a "solution"...

I'd like to share a Bed-Wet-No-More contraption with you. And then you can laugh about it until you pee yourself.


When Gold Stars and Atta-Girls No Longer Cut the Mustard

Bed-Wetting Solution*:

A Pee-Alarm to Wear on My Wrist
This should be marketed as a torture device. Seriously. Make sure you're sitting down for this. I am about to describe the most horrific, hilarious contraption. The "unit" is made up of 3 parts--all connected by WIRES. Did you catch that? WIRES. Hmm....Pee+Wires=Good? Okay, stay with me. The first part is a 3' by 2' piece of clear, amber-tinted HARD plastic. Within the plastic, you can see wire coiled about--it kind of looks like the coils in a toaster-oven. Connected to the toaster-oven sheet are two long wires with snaps on their ends. That's right. Snaps. To snap into the crotch of my Wonder Woman Underoos. Cold, metal, snaps....hooked up to a toaster oven. Sounds good to me! Sign me up!

It gets better...

Also connected to the toaster-oven sheet is yet another wire! This one is coated in white plastic (safety first!) and is attached to this HUGE dorky bracelet that has a HUGE strap of Velcro attached to it. I so wish that I had a photo of this little number. To put it in perspective, the "bracelet" was about the size of a mug of coffee and it weighed about 6 pounds. Did I mention that it's a speaker? Yes. It's a speaker. That emits a sound similar to a Severe Weather Siren if a single drop of moisture (read: urine, drool, sweat, etc.) comes within a mile of the toaster oven sheet.

You can probably see where this is going, but allow me to set the scene....

You're 8 years old and it's time to go to bed. You put on your PJs and scream, "I'm ready!" to your mom. She comes into your room and grabs the 3 wires hanging out the side of your bed's fitted sheet. She helps "electrify your Underoos" with the snaps and Velcro's the heaviest bracelet ever invented to your bone-y little wrist--you can barely lift your arm. By this point, you're tired and ready for a drink of water because you've been cut-off from liquids for the past 6 hours. You gingerly slide into bed, careful not to disrupt the toaster oven sheet because it will sound like someone dropping marbles into a metal spitoon. It's about as comfortable as sleeping on the hood of a car. Around 3 in the morning, you awake to the loudest foghorn blaring in your ear! I'm pretty sure the people in the neighboring city started heading toward their basements thinking a tornado was approaching. The loud siren scares you and you end up peeing your pants. Gee, what an effective tool to curb bed-wetting. Thanks sadomasochistic inventor!



*This, of course, didn't actually work; I just grew out of it (oh, and I didn't drink anything after 1 in the afternoon. Haha, I jest....I'd get an eye-dropper full of milk with dinner. Refreshing!)